"Why didn't I kill him? Maybe it's because, and this is strange, somehow, when I looked into his eyes, I saw myself, so I became his teacher."* (out of 4 stars)
This film is exactly what you would expect from a Nicolas Cage remake of a Thai film that wasn't very good to begin with. The vast majority of English-language remakes of foreign films are horrible and so are remakes starring Nicolas Cage (Wicker Man, for example). Plus, the original film sucks too, so you really get the triple-whammy here. The above quote is a perfect example of the most cliche dialog possible, but Cage delivers it as if it's the most profound thing he's ever heard. It took me four sittings to get through this movie. At one point, I sat on the remote and accidentally turned off the TV... I just got up and did something else instead of bothering to turn it back on.
Nicolas Cage plays Joe, a hit-man who wants to get out of the business and decides that a series of hits in Bangkok will be his last. While there, he falls in love with a deaf girl who works in a pharmacy, and takes a young petty criminal under his wing. (You know... by making him a much worse criminal.)
I'm not sure if I've ever seen another movie where less attention was paid to the main character's appearance. Aside from his awful hair (as usual), Cage wears sweatpants and a dirty t-shirt for most of the film. Even when he's on a date! I can't help but wonder if he just showed up on set that way and refused to change. After all, he's Nic Fucking Cage! His appearance has become progressively more and more distracting in his post-2000 roles, and it's really amazing that he's kept his career going despite this.
This film's directors, the Pang brothers, also directed the 1999 original which was basically a ripoff of several John Woo films, most notably, The Killer. The box cover actually goes as far as to claim that the film is "Like John Woo Morphed with Wong Kar-Wai." This is true in the same way that Battlefield Earth is like Stanley Kubrick morphed with Akira Kurosawa. The '99 film wasn't totally horrible, but it certainly wasn't good, and I can't quite figure out why Lion's Gate felt it was deserving of a remake, when there are so many far-better foreign films out there. (Not that I think they should be remaking foreign films in the first place, but if they're going to, they should at least pick good ones.)
Anyway, the Pangs are just plain shitty as directors. The pacing is weird and they went way overboard with the blue filters on everything for the entire movie. The story is boring, and Cage's acting is pitiful. I felt sorry for Shahkrit Yamnarm who plays Kong, Joe's protégé. He wasn't necessarily good, but he actually seemed to be trying in a film where no one else was. I gave it one star because there was a pretty good dismemberment scene.
 |
| craziness:
*
I was really hoping that Cage would have some fun with a hit-man role, but he plays it so straight that it's painful to watch. I gave him one star for general weirdness. |
 |
| hair implausibility:
* * * ½
It's gross. It avoids the highest rating because it's basically the same style he had in Next, but not quite as bad. It blows my mind that they would allow hair like that in one film, but now it's been in two! |
 |
| love interest implausibility:
* * * ½
Charlie Yeung plays Fon, the deaf girl who falls for Joe. There's a ten year age difference, they can't communicate with each other at all in the movie, and Cage looks like a homeless person. |
No comments:
Post a Comment